tupac

What of Love?

Posted on by billjohnson2014

In looking at my early writing to this point I point to the work of Langston Hughes for giving me great clarity as a writer. In Hughes work I found that a book, poem or quote can be as long as you want it to be. I gained the confidence and liberation that comes with doing what you love to do more than anything else on earth. Langston Hughes words and work shinned like the lone light in a desolate land. The freedom and hope that dripped off every word he wrote gave me hope and made me yearn to find such a freedom in my work. I laughingly joke that if I had a little Langston Hughes voice in my head he would say “just write what you feel son and if people enjoy that’s fine but, if not the sun will rise in the morning”.

I have written quotes, poems, comedy sketches, blogs and even started a book. I have written the funny, the witty, the dark, the reflective and the introspective. I have not written much about the conundrum that is love. I heard a pastor say that you better be sure that the person you love, loves you the way you love them. He told a story of an old man that died and left his wife to be a widow after man years of marriage. The wife wrote this long beautiful obituary that she took to the newspaper. While at the paper the wife was advised that she would be charged 50 cent per word to which she replied “I will have to revise this”. The wife returned with the new obituary and she was informed that the obituary had to be at least 7 words long. The final obituary read “Henry Brown died, 88 Oldsmobile for sale”. I think its safe to safe that was funny but, also a word to the wise.

I think when we understand what love is we can understand what love is not. Love is not putting someone before god.  Love is not being unhappy. Love is not something that someone can explain to you in a paragraph. Love is not simple. Love is not something that you fall in or out of. I think the starting point of love is similar to faith in that it’s the substance of things hoped, the evidence of things not seen until you___. From the novice to the expert to the miserably married to the happily single I don’t think it’s ever too late to reassess how we look at love.

Poetic Justice

Posted on by billjohnson2014

Have you ever had the feeling in your head that you were so close to dating but, in actuality you were a million miles away? It kind of reminds me of Superman rescuing Lois Lane just when it appeared that injury or death was a near certainty. As a kid you would really believe that Lois Lane was going to be hurt. In the same way you believed that the bad guy would have gotten away if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their dog.  Is this a paradox?

In thinking about what I know about relationships I was reminded of this non-traditional love story called Love Jones. The movie starring Nia Long (Nina) and Larenz Tate (Darius) quickly jumps into this mutual attraction that the two share.

The character Nina is just getting out of a relationship while Darius is attempting to see if Nina was just “one” or “the one”. From there the two embark on this on again off again, I love you/I hate you, why are we moving so fast roller coaster ride. As the film progresses the two split in dramatic fashion with Nina’s character taking a job in another city. Apart the two find great success in their careers of choice but, the viewer can easily see a void in each party’s life. Fate brings the lovers back to the poetry lounge where they met and Nina performs a poem as Darius did for her years earlier. Nina leaves as Darius appears absent but, as she catches a cab in the pouring rain he appears. The movie does not end with a wedding or a walk in the sunset. The movie ends with a question and a decision to be made. I love it because relationships begin with a commitment and they last by staying true to that commitment. The viewer has no idea how the story will end but, the possibilities are endless. I think that’s a reason why I love the “thought” of dating.

I had a friend of mine ask me why I was still single. She quickly interrupted advising “hey what happened on your last few dates”? I responded with my customary “they were ok”. She said let me guess you had a “moment of clarity”? I keep talking attempting to explain but, she stopped me. Kerry a moment of clarity is when a man has sex with a woman and realizes “I’m just not that in to you”. I laughed as surely I was past this juvenile pursuit but, I did reflect on what she said later. Am I ready to settle down? What am I looking for? Had I failed to meet my Nina in the rain?

I was having a conversation with an associate who was having some issues dating. In speaking with her for about 30 minutes I was easily able to asset her dating profile. I said you need to address the issues in your past so you can fully grow and heal. I said you also need to adjust not lower but, adjust your dating expectations. What do you need, not what do you want in a mate? I told her that it appeared to me that she needed someone that valued her needs and always had her back. She paused for a moment and said “yes, that’s really all I need”. Lastly I advised that meeting males that were comfortable just being friends would be beneficial for her. I advised “the best advice that I have ever received has been from people that did not want a thing from me”. The clarity and assuredness that I spoke with made me think more about myself.

As I’ve gotten older I wonder is it odd that I’ve only had two serious relationships. One could point to many factors and some would be true and some not. To be short I’ve not really wanted a girlfriend. So in a way being single is kind of what I have always done. I do get the questions asking did I get hurt when I did fall in love and did it ruin “relationships” for me as I smile. Of course the end of relationships hurt but, actually it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. The end of the relationship allowed me to grow so much as a man and set the course for me to grow professionally and become a better writer. So thinking on it I’m actually more open to a relationship than ever. I just think sharing your life with someone is the most precious gift you can give. I haven’t met her yet but, I imagine when I do hear her name I’ll know because it will sound like love.

Loving one’s self is the beginning of a lifelong romance

And all this time I thought…..

Posted on by billjohnson2014

I think I can speak a little bit about unplanned pregnancy as I am the byproduct. My mother had my sibling 14 months my senior very young. To hear my mother tell it the consensus after my sibling arrived was “she’s young and made a mistake but, it want happen again”. Imagine the worlds surprise and disdain as virtually no one even knew I existed until they saw me out of the womb. No there were no Lamaze classes with the mother and father to be. No there were no lavish baby showers are showing my ultrasound around. No “it’s a boy” status updates on social media. No lighters needed as this was not the time for a cigar to be passed out. I imagine a concealed pregnancy is like throwing yourself a party that no one attends as you are left to blow out your own candles. They say I was a stoic baby as I never cried. I figure in my head I had already taken the world’s best shot so why would I cry now. I can imagine me joking to the doctor “man I was about to turn a year old in there if you hadn’t got me out” and winking at my mom. It would be so “ME” of me.

When I was sick as a little kid

To keep me happy there’s no limit to the things you did

And all my childhood memories

Are full of all the sweet things you did for me

And even though I act crazy I gotta thank the lord that you made me

I wish I could take the pain away

If you can make it through the night there’s a brighter day

Everything will be alright if ya hold on

It’s a struggle everyday, gotta roll on

And there’s no way I can pay you back

But my plan is to show you that I understand you are appreciated

Lady don’t cha know we love ya? Sweet lady

And dear mama place no one above you, sweet lady

You are appreciated, don’t cha know we love ya?

 

Tupac was once asked why he rapped about violence and drugs. Tupac advised “everything in life is not beautiful, not all fun”. “There is lots of drugs in killing”. Tupac also wrote of less than reputable women and their behavior. In Dear Mama Tupac takes the listener on a moving journey from his childhood to the present day with moving lyrical imagery. He talks of his father dying and him not knowing how to feel. He speaks of his mother being addicted to crack but, still being his queen. Tupac also advises that putting money from the sale of drugs into his mother’s mailbox made his day. Tupac’s transparency allows all of us to look inside ourselves. After looking deeply I held a mirror to my face and asked where I would be if not for my Afeni Shakur.

 

The argument rages on in the lexicon that is national political party rhetoric. The argument continues in state/city government and among friends and associates in your neighborhood beauty/barber shop. What am I speaking of you ask? The topic of whether a mother has the right to abort her unborn child. The stance that a mother does have the right has come to be known as Pro Choice. This is not the point where I show you an elaborate diagram or years of statistical data. This is not the point where I tug at the emotional strings connected to your heart. I am the byproduct of an unplanned pregnancy. By all accounts the “mistake baby”. I love my mother dearly because she made a choice and she was committed to it %100. I also have seen a family member in a similar situation and I was the loudest voice saying “don’t keep the baby”. Thankfully that situation ended up well for my family member because she was committed and she had a strong support system. I hear Pro Choice and the opposition Pro Life and I can say I am neither. I am Pro Love.

 

In thinking about the choice that my mother made to have me, her pregnancy and how it has shaped me it made me think about the beginning. Contraception! Contraception is another word for birth control which is any means used to prevent pregnancy. The only sure way to avoid the conception of a child is not engaging in intercourse. I say that like its common sense. The thing about “common sense is it’s not that darn common. The failure rates of intrauterine contraception range from 0.2% to 0.8%. The failure rates of hormonal birth control such as the injection shot, pill, patch and contraceptive ring range from 6% to 9%. The barrier control methods such as the male condom, female condom and use of spermicide have a failure rate that ranges from 18% to 28%. In reading about birth control I found out that coitus interruptus has origins dating back to ancient Greece. I chuckle as It’s quite likely that Hercules and Achilles practiced coitus interruptus or by its secular name “the pull it method”. The pull out method also known as withdrawal has a failure rate of 27%.

And all this time I thought……