women

Dating made easy from the mind of a dreamer…

Posted on by billjohnson2014

I recall the vivid early memories that come to mind about the opposite sex. The stories jump out of my mind in the way like the rhythm of Morgan Freeman’s voice in The Shawshank Redemption or the strength in James Earl Jones voice in The Lion King. I think to myself it all flowed so smooth like Dennis Haysbert who voices the Allstate commercials.

It’s funny because I was talking with a female friend about that “like” that you had for someone as a child. You where maybe 8, 9, or 10 and there was this boy or girl in your class that you just “liked”. It may have been there eyes, hair, shoes, lunch snacks or just the way they said your name. She said he Keerrrrrry (Kerry) as she whistled by blushing. Things are much simpler for children because that “like” is enough for them. Children can go along liking him/her until the day a new kid joins class and that’s it the “like” is gone like it never was there. There was never an awkward date, awesome one night stand or a tumultuous break-up…just a “I’m sharing my snack with Ashley not Brittney today”.

I recently had a moment that harkens back to childhood  as I found a woman interesting without actually knowing much about her. The little I knew about her were all the qualities that I loved so in my mind I built her into near perfection. As I smile big you could say “I liked her” in the way that I liked Candace who I shared my sunflower seeds with in 2nd grade. The thing with being an adult the “newness” of such feelings are usually long gone if we can even recognize such feelings. Also, as adults waking up one day and finding another “like” is not the answer. We have to explore and or have the answer to everything. If we don’t have an answer we make up a “NO” in our mind as to why “it” wouldn’t have worked anyway.

A large part of me wanted to hold on to the feelings even if they were built on a fallacy. You see people deep down want to believe in something. In the way the partners in the strained marriage want to believe “this time will be different”. People ask sometimes how in the world scam artist get rich off the most ascinine schemes. Along the same vein people act surprised when politicians and clergy are caught in a scandal when the writing was always on the wall. The more whimsical, dramatic and or theatrical the entity makes it all the easier for the believer to get sucked into.

In the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene he speaks of the power of information and deception in several chapters. He speaks about the ability of people using slight of hand to create larger than life personas. With the lack of information a person’s good qualities are accentuated and without any bad qualities known they appear almost mythical. A part of me was torn on what to do. Maybe torn was a strong word. I was rather content on keeping the “like” that I had for this woman even if it was fictional. If I became involved with this woman inevitably I would see all of her flaws and the fictional “like would be replaced. Replaced by what you ask? It would have been replaced by something “real” which good or bad would not be as whimsical as the ideas made up in my head.

Poetic Justice

Posted on by billjohnson2014

Have you ever had the feeling in your head that you were so close to dating but, in actuality you were a million miles away? It kind of reminds me of Superman rescuing Lois Lane just when it appeared that injury or death was a near certainty. As a kid you would really believe that Lois Lane was going to be hurt. In the same way you believed that the bad guy would have gotten away if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their dog.  Is this a paradox?

In thinking about what I know about relationships I was reminded of this non-traditional love story called Love Jones. The movie starring Nia Long (Nina) and Larenz Tate (Darius) quickly jumps into this mutual attraction that the two share.

The character Nina is just getting out of a relationship while Darius is attempting to see if Nina was just “one” or “the one”. From there the two embark on this on again off again, I love you/I hate you, why are we moving so fast roller coaster ride. As the film progresses the two split in dramatic fashion with Nina’s character taking a job in another city. Apart the two find great success in their careers of choice but, the viewer can easily see a void in each party’s life. Fate brings the lovers back to the poetry lounge where they met and Nina performs a poem as Darius did for her years earlier. Nina leaves as Darius appears absent but, as she catches a cab in the pouring rain he appears. The movie does not end with a wedding or a walk in the sunset. The movie ends with a question and a decision to be made. I love it because relationships begin with a commitment and they last by staying true to that commitment. The viewer has no idea how the story will end but, the possibilities are endless. I think that’s a reason why I love the “thought” of dating.

I had a friend of mine ask me why I was still single. She quickly interrupted advising “hey what happened on your last few dates”? I responded with my customary “they were ok”. She said let me guess you had a “moment of clarity”? I keep talking attempting to explain but, she stopped me. Kerry a moment of clarity is when a man has sex with a woman and realizes “I’m just not that in to you”. I laughed as surely I was past this juvenile pursuit but, I did reflect on what she said later. Am I ready to settle down? What am I looking for? Had I failed to meet my Nina in the rain?

I was having a conversation with an associate who was having some issues dating. In speaking with her for about 30 minutes I was easily able to asset her dating profile. I said you need to address the issues in your past so you can fully grow and heal. I said you also need to adjust not lower but, adjust your dating expectations. What do you need, not what do you want in a mate? I told her that it appeared to me that she needed someone that valued her needs and always had her back. She paused for a moment and said “yes, that’s really all I need”. Lastly I advised that meeting males that were comfortable just being friends would be beneficial for her. I advised “the best advice that I have ever received has been from people that did not want a thing from me”. The clarity and assuredness that I spoke with made me think more about myself.

As I’ve gotten older I wonder is it odd that I’ve only had two serious relationships. One could point to many factors and some would be true and some not. To be short I’ve not really wanted a girlfriend. So in a way being single is kind of what I have always done. I do get the questions asking did I get hurt when I did fall in love and did it ruin “relationships” for me as I smile. Of course the end of relationships hurt but, actually it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. The end of the relationship allowed me to grow so much as a man and set the course for me to grow professionally and become a better writer. So thinking on it I’m actually more open to a relationship than ever. I just think sharing your life with someone is the most precious gift you can give. I haven’t met her yet but, I imagine when I do hear her name I’ll know because it will sound like love.

Loving one’s self is the beginning of a lifelong romance

That Awkward Moment

Posted on by billjohnson2014

Have yo ever shown up somewhere with the same outfit as someone else?  Do you leave the party and go home to change or do you leave to attend another event? Do you maneuver through the room whereas you never really come in contact with your contemporary? Do you walk right up to the person risking possible embarrassment? Thinking back I know the guys I hung around with in college would never let me forget showing up matching another person. I would own the moment by walking up and complimenting the guy. Later I would make a joke about myself and pose for a picture.

That awkward moment is also a 2014 romantic comedy. The Plot follows three young professional men navigate life and dating. The three men could not be more different. Mikey is a doctor who has been married for several years to his college sweet heart. Later we find out that Mikey’s wife cheated on him because he got boring. We watch him find himself all over again in an attempt to win her back. Jason and Daniel design book covers for a publishing company but, they are also still different. Daniel deep down is a romantic that denies it to the core until he falls in love with a mutual female friend that the three men share. Daniel keeps the romance in the closet so long he almost loses the girl. Jason who is the lead character is a serial dater with commitment issues. He advises that every relationship has there “So” moment! So what are we doing, So do you want to make us official, So do you want to meet my parents. At this point it has become awkward for Jason so he runs. The story follows him until he can no longer run and has to turn inward and fight his demons.

In thinking of the blog I began to think of my past awkward moment in regards to dating. I chuckle as I sounded real brave earlier talking about the guy with my shirt on. That has not always been the case. I have an example. I’m having what I believe is a nice conversation with a woman when I ask for her number at the end only to hear “I’m not interested”. What do you do with that feeling? I was having a conversation with some young women who advised they don’t ask men out. The reason being you ask? The answer lies in the “awkward moment” and his brother “rejection”. I thought about the things that are set or better yet not set in motion because we run from those moments.

This goes for males or females. Say you’re out on a date nothing serious so the date could be the first or the third or fourth. At the end of the night you lean in for a kiss and the other party dodges and puts there cheek on your cheek as they hug you. Do you continue to go on dates? Do you address the issue? Do you see the person six months later and hide behind the manikin in Macy’s? Oops….I can honestly say she was a very attractive manikin.

Dear Jane,

Jane we had a really good vibe at that party I met you at. I bought you drinks and engaged you in conversation. You said I was really deep and introspective but, then I would say some line about contraceptive that made you laugh. In the crowded room there we stood as if the world had just stood still….still trying make up in my mind the right time. Before I could ask we exchanged a kiss and then another followed by another. We exchanged numbers and you said you would be in touch. As you walked away I joked “I’d rush just to touch”… you smiled and illicit an “ole hush” as the door closed behind you. Moreover to the “will I ever see her again thoughts” I mulled over the “was that real” and “what actually was that thoughts”. Before day break I awake to one answer to my endless stream of questions. We talked about our people’s pain and struggle and wise cracked “hey that guy looks like Nipsey Russell”. We talked about the kisses and about life’s near misses. You would tell me that you’d like for me to take control sexually and that you wanted a leading role in my life. I’d reply let’s “role play” a sexually uninhibited married couple and you laughed.

When we finally saw each other weeks had passed but, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. We talked, laughed and danced like all of life’s problems could be solved with a warm embrace. Soon after passion erupted like a ball of fire that rain through my body with a rush. I had a yearning to explore you like no one had ever before. I wanted to know every inch of you as God knows the number of hair strains on our head. To feel my face pressed against your awkward moment was divine like a fine wine. It was a substance that I couldn’t quite characterize as it was wet, but sticky while also being soft and textured. As I began to thrust myself toward your awkward moment you retreated. I asked what was wrong as you replied “I just wanted to talk”. I retreated with my awkward moment in my hand and replied “what do we talk about”.

Sincerely, Mr. Awkward Moment

That awkward moment equals that total vulnerability that makes us human beings. These are the moments that grow us as we are but clay that relies on the master’s touch.