Month: September 2015

Dating made easy from the mind of a dreamer…

Posted on by billjohnson2014

I recall the vivid early memories that come to mind about the opposite sex. The stories jump out of my mind in the way like the rhythm of Morgan Freeman’s voice in The Shawshank Redemption or the strength in James Earl Jones voice in The Lion King. I think to myself it all flowed so smooth like Dennis Haysbert who voices the Allstate commercials.

It’s funny because I was talking with a female friend about that “like” that you had for someone as a child. You where maybe 8, 9, or 10 and there was this boy or girl in your class that you just “liked”. It may have been there eyes, hair, shoes, lunch snacks or just the way they said your name. She said he Keerrrrrry (Kerry) as she whistled by blushing. Things are much simpler for children because that “like” is enough for them. Children can go along liking him/her until the day a new kid joins class and that’s it the “like” is gone like it never was there. There was never an awkward date, awesome one night stand or a tumultuous break-up…just a “I’m sharing my snack with Ashley not Brittney today”.

I recently had a moment that harkens back to childhood  as I found a woman interesting without actually knowing much about her. The little I knew about her were all the qualities that I loved so in my mind I built her into near perfection. As I smile big you could say “I liked her” in the way that I liked Candace who I shared my sunflower seeds with in 2nd grade. The thing with being an adult the “newness” of such feelings are usually long gone if we can even recognize such feelings. Also, as adults waking up one day and finding another “like” is not the answer. We have to explore and or have the answer to everything. If we don’t have an answer we make up a “NO” in our mind as to why “it” wouldn’t have worked anyway.

A large part of me wanted to hold on to the feelings even if they were built on a fallacy. You see people deep down want to believe in something. In the way the partners in the strained marriage want to believe “this time will be different”. People ask sometimes how in the world scam artist get rich off the most ascinine schemes. Along the same vein people act surprised when politicians and clergy are caught in a scandal when the writing was always on the wall. The more whimsical, dramatic and or theatrical the entity makes it all the easier for the believer to get sucked into.

In the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene he speaks of the power of information and deception in several chapters. He speaks about the ability of people using slight of hand to create larger than life personas. With the lack of information a person’s good qualities are accentuated and without any bad qualities known they appear almost mythical. A part of me was torn on what to do. Maybe torn was a strong word. I was rather content on keeping the “like” that I had for this woman even if it was fictional. If I became involved with this woman inevitably I would see all of her flaws and the fictional “like would be replaced. Replaced by what you ask? It would have been replaced by something “real” which good or bad would not be as whimsical as the ideas made up in my head.

From Dusk till Dad

Posted on by billjohnson2014

I think the most magnificent creature that God created was the woman. She is beautiful and strong while also being loving, kind and submissive. She is simple in that her original purpose was to be the help mate to the man. She is complex as women are forever changing like the seasons. As the first day of fall starts….the countdown to winter has already begun.

Women grow up to be the mothers that will hold dear. I think motherhood is the most defining role in a child’s life. Mother’s usually deserve the credit whether they get it or not while also shouldering blame when it’s rarely their fault. Motherhood is not a job as much as it is a responsibility. You get paid for a job after work is completed. The job of motherhood is never done and you seldom if ever reap the fruit of your labor.

As I began to reflect on fatherhood it became clear that mothers are blessed with this hindsight…this protective nature that cultivates the bond they share with their children. This bond between mother and child starts when the child is unborn. In my opinion fatherhood is not as difficult in theory but, fatherhood does not come with the same road map so to speak. So in practice fatherhood is just as difficult as or more difficult than motherhood. In the way mothers have the defining role in children’s lives the gap left by an absent father is the hardest to fill.

You disagree? Think for a few moments on what generally makes a good mother. I’m sure most of us would say nurturing, insightful, warm, supportive and dependable. Most would admit those characteristics sound vague yet we know what they mean because they describe our mother. Think a few moments on what generally makes a good dad. Do I hear crickets? And that’s totally ok. I would say by in large people either don’t know what makes a good dad or they have 100 different characteristics which still proves my point. This blog was not written so we can create a fatherhood hall of fame. As the writer full well realizes poor fathers have attributed to the misconceptions of fatherhood. This blog was intended to start the conversation of where we are and how we can get back.

My life and the lives of many men have been directly affected by our fathers not having adequate role models. Along with all the things that men miss by not having a father they miss seeing how fathers well…father. My father has told me in serious conversations and joking that he did not have a clue what he was doing the first few years. My dad says “I had a mom so her protective instinct rubbed off on me. So I just tried to love and protect you all the best I could. I was just learning the ends and outs of parenting…of being a dad as I went”. According to the 2011 Census 24 million children (1 and 3) are growing up in homes without their biological fathers. This issue appears to be crossing socioeconomics lines and the generation gap which leads me to my next point.

My brother and law and my sister have been married for 6 years but, they have been together a total of 11 years. When they fight it looks like there playing and when there playing it looks like sibling’s ruff housing. They by far have the most successful marriage I have ever seen up close. I think there marriage sticks out to me even more because they started their relationship at 16. Their son who is 6 was talking to me…mind you they have an 11 year old and twins who are 3. So the 6 year old asks Uncle Kerry why aren’t you married. I replied where did that come from nephew? He said well you’re older than my daddy because he’s 27 and he’s married but, you’re not married. I replied “well that’s true”. I said your daddy was lucky to find a nice girl but, I’m trying to find a nice girl. He looked with this pondering expression for a few seconds and then smiled big saying “I don’t get it Uncle Kerry I still think you should be married”. I died laughing.

In speaking with my brother in law and other men you can tell their children and wives give them great joy, purpose and satisfaction. With that said speaking with these brothers I can see the constraints and also pressure that they are under at times. One of the guys told me “it all happens so fast”. One minute you’re dating and the next you’re the old married guy with two kids .I think and will always think a man walking away from his family is a cowardice act. As I get older I am able to reason and also accept a lot of decisions that men make from a place of understanding. People say be a man! Some day’s that’s easier said than done.  I think that’s one of the reasons me and my father are as close as we have ever been. He has grown tremendously as a father, I as a man and we all know the adage “time heals all”.

I was speaking with another guy “kids always want things” “women are never satisfied” “your pulled in a million directions” do you ever want it to stop? He smiled big and said “where is my wife” as he looked around. He said so much without saying anything at all.

One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the father prayed, Dear God, make me the kind of man my son needs me to be.

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