Have you ever heard of “the power of the pen”? The power of the pen is an old adage that was coined by author and playwright Edward Bulwer- Lytton. “True, This – Beneath the rule of men entirely great. The pen is mightier than the sword Behold the arch- enchanters wand”! Bulwer- Lytton was advising that administrative power or advocacy of an independent press is a more effective tool than direct violence. If you look back in American history the Negro was denigrated and ostracized in newspapers that he (a) had no voice (b) had no access. By comparison the government in communist countries control the media as the only communication accepted for print must positively reflect the government and its position.

“When you control a man’s thinking you do not have to worry about his actions. When you determine what a man shall think you do not have to concern yourself about what he will do. If you make a man feel that he is inferior, you do not have to compel him to accept an inferior status, for he will seek it himself. If you make a man think that he is justly an outcast, you do not have to order him to the back door. He will go without being told; and if there is no back door, his very nature will demand one.”

• Carter G. Woodson

I was about 10/11 years old when I received a slightly different but, just as palpable definition of “the power of the pen”. Kerry (My mother’s voice) “do you know your teacher called me today”? (Me) No Ma’am (knowing full well several teachers probably had a reason to call her). Come in her young man (Mom). Kerry “the teacher told me you were fighting in class and when she confronted you, you became disrespectful”. Furthermore she tells me you have a C in her class and a D in conduct. I attempted to explain: “she was wrong”, “she does not like me” but, my mother would hear nothing of it. She said “son at the end of the day it’s her word against yours and she has the power of the pen so you will lose every time”.

I think about some of the talks I and my mother had and I laugh because she was usually right. I learned many life lessons and people skills that I carry with me today. The first time I heard “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all” was in reference to school behavior. “Treat people how you want to be treated”. “If everybody jumped off a bridge are you going to jump too”?” “Use your head for more than a hat rack”. “If you want respect you first have to give respect”. “Two wrongs don’t make a right”. “D is for dummy, are you a dummy?” I know some of the quotes sound old foggy but, is that bad?

To my point these lessons learned became the principles that I stand on today as a man nearing 30. In an earlier blog I spoke of how Rousseau deemed it a detriment to the human condition to have your own personal self- worth/value tied to the comments of others. In a way that statement is 100% true and by the same token there is great value in the observations/comments of others.  There is socialization and a reinforcing of positive behavior that goes with smiley faces and check marks. In the same way poor conduct grades and timeout are usually good deterrents to unwanted behaviors. If you are socialized or you conform you are what? You’re most likely to stay out of trouble and receive average to above average grades depending on your effort.  This conformity when learned at a young age usually bears fruit later in life. Even as adults we are socialized. Of course there are traffic, civil and criminal laws that govern society. Anyone that has ever received a traffic citation understands the phrase “ignorance of the law is not an excuse”.

On a more personal level we are socialized by magazines and television on what fashion is in and what cars to drive. Do you remember your last performance review at work? Depending on whom your supervisor is/was that can really be a trip to the principal’s office. In reference to social media we are socialized in so many ways it’s not real. “I’ve heard people say it makes me feel good when I get a certain number of likes”. “I post these kinds of pictures because that’s what people like”. “I sometimes post pictures to show people that I’m having fun after I’ve seen my friends post pictures of them having fun”. Is this the most asinine thing you have ever heard? Yes. Have I heard them all and much more? Yes.

I really wanted to write this blog to briefly discuss some of the positive and negative effects of the pen. I think the pen can be very positive when it is used to reinforce positive behaviors. I also think the pen can go a long way to curtail unwanted behavior. The pen can also be emotionally devastating when it is used in a mean spirited/spiteful manner. The pen has its place in our society and more personally with each and every one of us. I have said many times when we are complete people we can find mates that complements us instead of mates that are intended to fill a void. I feel similarly in that when we are complete individuals we are less likely to be critical and judgmental of others. I have made it a point to critique my friends and love one’s without being “critical”. When you put yourself in people’s shoes and offer a critique you find an ear but, when you are critical you find a wall.

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7)