Poetic Justice
Have you ever had the feeling in your head that you were so close to dating but, in actuality you were a million miles away? It kind of reminds me of Superman rescuing Lois Lane just when it appeared that injury or death was a near certainty. As a kid you would really believe that Lois Lane was going to be hurt. In the same way you believed that the bad guy would have gotten away if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their dog. Is this a paradox?
In thinking about what I know about relationships I was reminded of this non-traditional love story called Love Jones. The movie starring Nia Long (Nina) and Larenz Tate (Darius) quickly jumps into this mutual attraction that the two share.
The character Nina is just getting out of a relationship while Darius is attempting to see if Nina was just “one” or “the one”. From there the two embark on this on again off again, I love you/I hate you, why are we moving so fast roller coaster ride. As the film progresses the two split in dramatic fashion with Nina’s character taking a job in another city. Apart the two find great success in their careers of choice but, the viewer can easily see a void in each party’s life. Fate brings the lovers back to the poetry lounge where they met and Nina performs a poem as Darius did for her years earlier. Nina leaves as Darius appears absent but, as she catches a cab in the pouring rain he appears. The movie does not end with a wedding or a walk in the sunset. The movie ends with a question and a decision to be made. I love it because relationships begin with a commitment and they last by staying true to that commitment. The viewer has no idea how the story will end but, the possibilities are endless. I think that’s a reason why I love the “thought” of dating.
I had a friend of mine ask me why I was still single. She quickly interrupted advising “hey what happened on your last few dates”? I responded with my customary “they were ok”. She said let me guess you had a “moment of clarity”? I keep talking attempting to explain but, she stopped me. Kerry a moment of clarity is when a man has sex with a woman and realizes “I’m just not that in to you”. I laughed as surely I was past this juvenile pursuit but, I did reflect on what she said later. Am I ready to settle down? What am I looking for? Had I failed to meet my Nina in the rain?
I was having a conversation with an associate who was having some issues dating. In speaking with her for about 30 minutes I was easily able to asset her dating profile. I said you need to address the issues in your past so you can fully grow and heal. I said you also need to adjust not lower but, adjust your dating expectations. What do you need, not what do you want in a mate? I told her that it appeared to me that she needed someone that valued her needs and always had her back. She paused for a moment and said “yes, that’s really all I need”. Lastly I advised that meeting males that were comfortable just being friends would be beneficial for her. I advised “the best advice that I have ever received has been from people that did not want a thing from me”. The clarity and assuredness that I spoke with made me think more about myself.
As I’ve gotten older I wonder is it odd that I’ve only had two serious relationships. One could point to many factors and some would be true and some not. To be short I’ve not really wanted a girlfriend. So in a way being single is kind of what I have always done. I do get the questions asking did I get hurt when I did fall in love and did it ruin “relationships” for me as I smile. Of course the end of relationships hurt but, actually it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. The end of the relationship allowed me to grow so much as a man and set the course for me to grow professionally and become a better writer. So thinking on it I’m actually more open to a relationship than ever. I just think sharing your life with someone is the most precious gift you can give. I haven’t met her yet but, I imagine when I do hear her name I’ll know because it will sound like love.
Loving one’s self is the beginning of a lifelong romance