I was at a work training a few weeks back…yes a work training. The second speaker was a part of the staff for the areas Substance Abuse and Aging program. The woman read from a power point and I kind of half way followed along which is the norm for such a training. The woman would stop to take questions and make little funny antidotes here and there as I began to clock watch. It wasn’t until the woman advised that she was 80 years old did I sit up in my chair. I told myself surely this woman appearing no older than 65 could not be 80 years old but, it was true.

The woman continued advising that she had two children her son being around 60 and her daughter around 55. The woman advised that she was 45 years old when her alcohol abuse caught up with her. The woman specified that alcohol ended her marriage and almost ended her relationship with her children. The woman said that her children were adults and out of the house when she began drinking every day. The woman said she knew she had a problem when her children confronted. “The conversation changed me and I entered an inpatient treatment facility”. She continued advising that she has over 30 years of sobriety which she attributed to successfully attainting her master’s degree at age 50.

The next thing that the woman said left the biggest imprint on me. She advised that it was time to retire but, she didn’t want to because all of her friends where dead. The woman advised that when your 20 and 30 they make retirement sound like this promise land but, it’s not. The women thanked God that she was in relatively good health but, she advised that she had nothing to look forward to in retirement. She specified that her children where old and dealing with their own issues. She further specified that she is taken medication for the first time in her life and it “sucks”. The woman ended advising that as a single 80 year old woman it is hard because outside of work nobody needs her.

Listening to the women made me think about the image that I had about retirement. Did I think retirement was this awesome place like South Beach? As I pondered the unknown one thing that I did know was that I did not want to be old. Don’t get me wrong I welcomed the wisdom that came with age. I really would not be where I am without the going through life’s trials and tribulations and coming out on the other side having learned the lesson. With all that said a part of me has always looked at being old as dependent, weak or lacking. In my head as a child death was that place old people went and if I wanted to avoid pain, suffering and death I need not get old.

As I’ve gotten older and closer to my faith I understand dying is a certainty. The Christian faith teaches you that if you are saved and believe in Jesus you will go to heaven and that was more than enough for me. To be honest I never gave much thought to dying as I was happy being 10, 11, 15 and so on. Something in me could not imagine me as 25 let alone 65. Every year I have a birthday it’s kind of bittersweet.

I’m not sure how it was passed to me but, since I became an adult “30” has been The Age. The age 30 signaled the end of any remaining immaturity. The time when one comes to grips with what is a dream? What is real? What is going to pay the bills? This is the reunion period in life where you consciously or subconsciously measure the new you vs the old you. At the same time you’re measuring yourself against your classmates and you’re either satisfied or disappointed. Michael Jordan said something during his hall of fame speech “getting inducted is bittersweet because the athlete in me wants to come back and play or at least make you all think I can”.

I thought so much about my feelings about aging that I wanted to see if my feelings where mine alone. My blue collar ultra-competitive never quit attitude was honed on the pavement outside my house against my dad. It would only make since to see if he had similar thoughts about aging right?

I barely got the first question out when Pop replied “Physically getting old for me is not fun at all because I’m very athletic.  The older you get the more injuries surface and things just seem to snowball”. My father has had two surgeries’ on his knees in the last several months. My father recalled “I can remember talking to my mom some years back and I told her there are two things I hate and one of them I’ve already been. The first is a child and the second is old. In both age groups I feel one cannot be all they can be as they are hindered by age or their physical/mental ability level. Speaking as a man it messes with your mind. At 25 your wishing somebody tries to mess with you but, at 50 your praying to God nobody tries. It’s a hard thing as a man dealing with old age and injuries to question whether you can defend yourself”.

My father makes his living in the service industry and he has done so for the past 14 years. He is in the kind of field that lends its self to a very long shelf life. I asked him if he could see himself working 20 more years to which he replied “I would say 10”. “There are just so many factors that go into that namely my eyes and knees”. My dad would later advise that he was currently already wearing the bifocals of contacts.

The conversation continued as I asked Pop how big would “cost of living” factor into his retirement. “I see a lot of people in my generation buying houses later and or supporting their children/grandchildren. Those types of lifestyles dictate individuals having to work into their seventies. He continued some even retire but, have to go back to work for fear of out living there money”. My father implored me saying the keyword for me and my generation is “preparedness”.

As the conversation started to wine down I asked Pop did he feel like he would become increasingly unhappy dealing with aging. He replied “I’ve said a lot of things but I don’t want you to think I’m down on aging”. “Sure the man loses some of his zeal for intimacy as yes you go through some personality changes but, I like who I’ve become”. I asked Pop to explain he replied “I had to be the lion when you kids where young, I had to protect my family. Now you guys are grown and can protect yourselves so now I’m something you pet at the zoo. I thank God that I have attained wisdom and he has put me in positions where I can help a lot of people. If I would have died young I would not have understood my mistakes and Gods plan for each of us”.